How to Get Socialism in America


It seems all that hard work over the past hundred years is starting to backfire. The American people are saying “enough” to socialism and demanding that the federal government stick to the limits imposed on it by the people.

To the socialists out there who are upset with Barack Obama dropping the public option (for reals this time), let me cheer you up.

Socialism isn’t something people opt in to. As long as the American people get to choose their government, they will never choose socialism, at least not in the long term.

You need something, something that says, “Welcome to socialism!” but also says, “Forget it—there’s no way out.” Once the American people feel completely trapped by it, they will give up this whole concept of “individual liberty” and “prosperity”.

What better way to bring socialism to America than a violent revolution! Think of it—rolling down the streets of New York in tanks flanked by violent mobs of murderous youth! What American would dare challenge our philosophy then?

Of course, you can’t start with New York. You have to start small, the same way Mao did. Pick a relatively unpopulated but poor region, and enslave the people to your ideals. If any disagree and stick to that whole American superiority concept, you can off them with a violent gang at night.

When your power base is solidified, your thugs won’t have to hide in a crowd or in the night anymore. They can openly march through the areas they have conquered with force and violence, brandishing their tools of oppression. After that, it’s only a matter of time before you can overthrow the free government of the United States.

There’s a small problem, though. You’ll first have to deal with the militia. I’m not talking about the National Guard or US Army. I’m talking about the countless millions of Americans who own and use their firearms. Unfortunately, unlike other cultures, Americans tend to keep their guns and ammo handy. And unlike other cultures, they are not afraid of putting down a rebellion before the government needs to get involved.

And doubly unfortunately, those areas that are poor and sparsely populated and ideal to start an insurrection are the very areas where people are more likely to own a gun and use it.

That kind of throws a wrench in that plan, huh?

Well, if socialism by government edict won’t work, since we can never keep the majority, and if socialism by force won’t work, what’s left?

Why, we can corrupt the American culture. We can teach them wrong is right and right is wrong. We can teach them to lay down like passive subjects and let government walk all over them.We can take over their newspapers, their radios, their televisions, their schools, their churches, their schools, and even their civil organizations. We’ll fill them with like-minded socialists with instructions to destroy the fabric of American life with perversions.

Wait, what’s that? You’re not having much success even though you’ve already seized all those institutions and are blaring degradation and misinformation by the giga watt across the country?

Ahh, that’s because the real heart of America isn’t in the classroom or the boardroom or the pulpit or papers. It’s in the homes. See, as long as hard-working families that teach American values to their children exist, we’ll always have a problem subverting the will of the American people and imposing socialism on them. That’s why we have to destroy the family. By hook or crook, with whatever tools we can, we will invade and destroy the fundamental, natural rights of parents to raise their children according to their conscience. We’ll even destroy the whole concept of the family, poo-pooing it and replacing it with something it can never be nor should be.

We’ll start by dragging women into the workforce. We’ll separate children from their parents at an ever-younger age. We’ll ensure that no parent feels like their highest obligation is to educate their children. In addition, we’ll destroy the bonds of marriage, first by making divorce and separation “normal” and then by eliminating the idea of getting married at all. Finally, we’ll ruin the institution of marriage by declaring that it is all about love and has nothing to do with family, and that homosexual relationships are equivalent to heterosexual ones and so they are entitled to all the rights and privileges of a married couple.

Once we have destroyed the American family, then we can finally bring socialism to America.

Buck up, comrades! We’re almost there! With a few states already adopting homosexual marriage, and a few others adopting homosexal “partnerships”, it’s only a matter of time before we completely wipe out the concept of family altogether, replacing it with our perverted concept of what a Socialist family should be.


4 Responses to “How to Get Socialism in America”

  1. Flint Gibson Says:

    Man are you one big DOPE.

    • Jonathan Gardner Says:

      I am continually in shock and awe at the debating prowess of the other side.

      There has, to date, never been a debater from that side who did not resort to ad hominem attacks.

      • demo kid Says:

        Call it a visceral reaction from the completely unfounded, unproven, and absurd connections you’ve made here between socialism and womens’ rights, gay rights, no-fault divorce, and children’s education.

      • Jonathan Gardner Says:

        Tell me, then, why are all those issues all found in common among the left in America? If they are unrelated, then you’d expect them not to be supported by the same people.

        And I’m curious to hear how marriage, divorce, and socialism isn’t related to child welfare. I guess children born out of wedlock on welfare are just as likely to succeed than children born in wedlock to taxpayers? Or is this another delusion of yours?

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