How Real Scientists Work


In a spirit of compromise and understanding, I’m turning over a new leaf. Heckled by the many criticisms of my belief that God created the earth, I am now going to attempt to be a real scientist, unlike the phony one I am being accused of being today.

For starters, I have decided that if I observe data that contradicts my preconceptions, I am simply going to delete it, like real climate scientists do. (link)

If I discover information that suggests my colleagues are acting in bad faith (that is, according to the old-fashioned notion of science), I am simply going to accuse the peddlers of said information of committing crimes. (link)

And finally, when my entire world-view is proven to be a fraud, I am going to clutch to it like a redneck to his shotgun, and shout louder and louder to make my point clear.

Am I a real scientist now?


2 Responses to “How Real Scientists Work”

  1. demo kid Says:

    You’re a real proponent of Creationist “science” at least.

    • Jonathan Gardner Says:

      Well, that’s true, but at least creationism is real science now! See, I just throw away all the contrary evidence without even explaining it. I can claim I “lost” it. Then I accuse people who point out my obvious biases of being felons and deserving prison time. Finally, I can shout at the top of my lungs that creationism is proven beyond a doubt and the scientific consensus is that it is real.

      Is that how you’d like science done?

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