Solving Two Problems at Once


North Korea just attacked South Korea, sending hundreds of shells onto a small inhabited island, killing 2 marines and injuring several others, including civilians. The village on the island went up in smoke and the people evacuated.

This is shortly after we discovered that North Korea is building the other kind of nuclear bomb. In a nutshell, there are two types of nuclear bombs that primitive countries can build. One is the plutonium bomb, the other the uranium bomb.

To build the plutonium bomb, you need plutonium (which is easily obtained as part of the nuclear energy process), but you need shaped charges that are all but impossible to get exactly right. North Korea tested their design several times, and successfully detonated a plutonium bomb not too long ago.

To build the uranium bomb, you need uranium (which is very difficult to obtain). The uranium bomb is so simple even a child could assemble it. However, due to the difficulty of obtaining uranium, you need massive plants that are easily detected. North Korea is processing uranium to obtain uranium for a bomb.

There is no peaceful purpose behind this, like there is no peaceful purpose for Iran’s race to obtain the nuclear bomb. (They are building a uranium bomb, and are days away from having enough uranium to build one, which they promise to use on the Jews in Israel.)

North Korea is guilty of numerous war crimes, and this latest provocation is the most serious we’ve seen since the war in the 50’s. The last major action before this was to sink a South Korean warship with a torpedo, killing many of the crew on board. Before that, we’ve seen them hijack airplanes, send commandos into the South, and kidnap Japanese civilians. It is clear that either North Korea is banking on South Korea, Japan and the US doing nothing, or they think that a war with us will be to their advantage.

Here’s a modest proposal. We have extra nuclear weapons in our armory, weapons we don’t really need. We can dispose of them quickly and inexpensively, and solve the North Korean problem as well. All it takes is a couple of airbursts over civilian and military targets in North Korea, and we will have crippled the North Korean political, governmental, and military machine. At the same time, we can show Russia that we are reducing our inventory of nuclear missiles.

If that doesn’t satisfy Russia, we can level Tehran as well, reducing our nuclear arsenal even further.

These wars will be much less expensive than our adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan, making the liberals happy there will be more money to spend on schools and hospitals. Heck, we might even see long-term net savings as we can bring our troops home from the Korean peninsula.

But more importantly, President Obama will instantly become the most popular president in our nation’s history, solving every foreign policy crisis with the push of a few buttons. Do you think a weakened Russia or a timid China will want to mess with a country even crazier than North Korea and Iran?

On a serious note, at least our negotiator in the six-nation talks in Northeast Asia is standing firm: No talks, no aid, until North Korea completely abandons their nuclear program. Japan and South Korea remain firm on this as well.

The best result of all this would be the toppling of the Kim Jong-Il regime. I would hope that we actually follow through with our exercises. If we simply level Pyongyang and destroy all the artillery sites along the border, we will cripple the North Korean military, government, and economic system. What will be left is freedom, something North Koreans haven’t known for 60 years now. The South is ready and able to move into the North and modernize their economy. They have already shown themselves compassionate enough to spend countless fortunes trying to help their North Korean brethren. We simply need to get the military and government out of the way.


2 Responses to “Solving Two Problems at Once”

  1. demo kid Says:

    Ahh, yes. Should have figured that your favorite solution would be murdering innocents in cold blood. Do I sense a trend?

    • Jonathan Gardner Says:

      You have read “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift, right? You are familiar with the term “satire”?

      But in a broader note, what is innocent about a belligerent country building nuclear weapons while their people starve? What is innocent about a country whose entire culture crushes individual rights for the benefit of Dear Leader? What is innocent about a regime that starves and tortures its little children for show? Yes, children will die, but children are already dying.

      Tell me, would the world be better with Pyongyang a smoking ruin or as it is today?

      What does it benefit us, any nation, or North Korea for things to continue like they are? A few well-placed nukes could save millions and maybe billions of lives. If we could topple the regime, we could send food to every corner of that country in a matter of days, giving people a square meal who have never had one their entire lives. A few months later, and almost the entire country could be engaged in some beneficial economic pursuit, whether it is raising grain and food, or building tools and machines.

      Wouldn’t you like to see an entire region of the world demilitarized because the last belligerent country has given up belligerence?

      How many lives did we save by killing Saddam Hussein and his regime?

      How many lives did we save by turning Hiroshima and Nagasaki into a smoking radioactive wasteland?

      Or are you incapable of seeing the bigger picture? Should we not do anything that has any negative impact? “Oh no! Don’t cut down that wheat stalk in its prime—we have no right to live at the cost of the life of that plant!”

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